Fancy a Threesome - 3 sisters sign up for a Triathlon

Swimming is my happy place....

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swimmer definition

Swimming is meant to be such a relaxing pastime, up there with meditating. A hypnotic relaxing mind-lulling back and forth, back and forth. The reality as most regular swimmers will tell you, is very different. 

Now I'm not talking about swim meets or clubs where everybody is pretty much the same standard or training together or competing against each other. I'm talking your standard issue, open to all public swimming pool on a Sunday morning at 7.30.

Let me tell you it is STRESSFUL.

We've written about swim etiquette previously - see post here. I also found the following flowchart posted on twitter very helpful guidance if you don’t know whether you should be in the fast lane or not:  

flowchart

See the original tweet here: https://twitter.com/helsvarc/status/871726595400237057

But this post is about what you do when the pot finally boils over and YOU JUST CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE !%[email protected]

It mostly comes down to incompatibility of speed with your fellow lane members and it may never happen to you, perhaps you really are the chill swimmer I aspire to be.  But recently it’s happened twice in my usual pool (maybe there is something in the water?) In any case I reckon you have the following options:

  1. Change lanes and shoot passive aggressive stares in the general direction of your old lane. The new lane might even be better or you just have to work around it but better to avoid the confrontation, right? This is the British thing to do.
  2. Leave but then what is the point of getting up so early and taking your clothes off?
  3. Confront the problem, perhaps time your rest at the shallow end at the same time as the individual or individuals and have it out with them. It could get explosive (one incident I witnessed resulted in shouting and a little bit of crying). Plus beware if you are both regulars, it could involve you feeling unable to return to that pool and going to another pool elsewhere forever to avoid future awkwardness. Or moving house.
  4. Call in the lifeguard. In my experience, these are mostly younger people with training and experience to stop us from drowning rather than mediating between 2 middle aged swimmers. You always hope they are going to enforce the lane speed guidance or stop people from doing kick training or old lady breast stroke in the fast lane but it usually doesn’t happen. The one time I have seen one step in was when a guy was doing tumble turns at the shallow end (numpty) and it was the least he could do.

We all wish we could afford to swim at a posh private health club (although I bet they have the same problems) or even own our own pool (although I hear the expense is ruinous) and having to schlep it in our fading and aged hair-filled public pools could drive even the calmest swimmer to fury. But none of the above options are very attractive prospects. So I will carry on as before i.e. swimming with an aura of calm as a thin layer over simmering anxiety and anger.....

Happy swimming!

 

 

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